27 May 2014

Fake Relationships Are Hard

Me and Google got in a fight.

I said some things. Google said some things. Chairs were thrown. My website was cast from the internet, abandoned by its host. In the end there was no winner, but I'm clearly a loser.
I searched everywhere for help but where do you turn for information without Google? Hell, I can't even say "Yahoo Answers" in a non-sarcastic tone. And do you really expect me to Bing it out? (note: even spellcheck doesn't know what Bing is.) So I did what any mature adult would do and I apologized for a misunderstanding that was not entirely my fault, and I expected at least as much consideration in return from the enterprise that is the internet. 

I thought surely my website would return from annexation in no time at all. I poured a nice glass of wine and sat down to type out a few notes while I waited.

Days and nights passed before I heard from Google. For weeks I had no creative outlet. I wrote fifty new episodes of Sex in the City fanfiction. My obsession with chic-flit got so intense I HAD TO STOP DRINKING WINE.

Like the wine, I became bitter.
I said other things... may have mentioned that "I didn't need Google anyway." 
Which isn't true. We all know it isn't true.
Then, Google broke up with me for good. I guess maybe I never really thought things would work out, we have such different ideals. But we had a nice simple thing going; a few bucks a year, my crappy posts get thrown at the web. Nobody expected much of each other, and neither of us felt too used. It was exactly what a bullshit relationship was supposed to be.
The break-up period was hard. Google had all my stuff. We did the phone-tag thing; couple angry letters on both sides. I think I drunk-Google+'ed once or twice. 
But who among us hasn't?

Eventually it stopped hurting and I started talking to some other domain servers. Found a few nice little companies with promising features and set up a couple meet-and-greets. Became enamored by Enom and their amazing propensity to have humans answer their customer service lines. Beyond the competitive pricing, the web-host package abilities, or the ease at which they make the switch, the people at Enom ANSWER THEIR PHONES. Like, WHEN IT RINGS.
It surprised me so much the first time that I hung up. Why in the fuck would someone answer the phone, I thought, what are these cats playing at?
And if I had to leave a message, Enom called me back the same day. 
They want me.

I'm going to give them a call later. 
Just to see if someone answers.